I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
