I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He has the fingertips of a God
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