i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
