I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Randomize
