why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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