Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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