why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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