About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
