the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
