clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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