areolas are like halos for boobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
