So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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