Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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