the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
