I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
