Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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