did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
