He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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