we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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