we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
