let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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