I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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