Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
