Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
