Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
