i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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