Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
