How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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