Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
