GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This house was built for laser tag.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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