I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
