woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
