Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
