Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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