D3 body, D1 cock
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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