I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
