someone get that fucking seahorse.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
