I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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