I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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