I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
