You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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