When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
