sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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