I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
