i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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