I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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