Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
