Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
