My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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