guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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