i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
