I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
