i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
