dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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