woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
