If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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